i forgot to add this,which was another oriental coincedence regarding my op
the night before i was sitting in the street getting stressed out and worried and spotted this dalai lama picture on an electric box that had not been there a couple of days before
this is a small town and there are no buddhist temples or groups !! just seems an odd thing for someone to grafitti when usually the graffiti round here is swear words ! i often turn to the dalai lama when i am in need,im not a proper buddhist but i am very fascinated by it all
i suffer with neuropathy which is a neurological disorder that affects the nerves, it was decided that my arm couldnt be left any longer and i was to have a ulnar nerve transposition which is where they open the arm,separate the arm bones and move the nerve from the outside of the elbow (its this nerve when hit that causes strange sensations and is called the “funny bone”) my funny bone is no longer on my elbow like normal people but running along the inside of my arm !
due to my previous creepy experiences when in hospital such as the near death experience that you can read about in the near death blog i refused to be knocked out under a general anaesthetic and said i would prefer to be awake,the surgeon was not happy and said it was really not something he would advise as moving the nerve was horrifically painful
i said i didnt care
the day of the operation i put some tibetan meditation music on in the car and tranced out (no i wasnt driving !),getting ready for what i was about to face,in my meditation i saw a little tibetan monk and i sat with him under a cherry blossom tree where he rubbed my arm and told me his name was Thupten or something like that,thats nice ,i thought,feeling chilled out and ready for what i had to go through
In the hospital they were still trying to talk me into being knocked out but i wouldnt listen
let me just say that it was the worst thing EVER and i would rather give birth ten times over !!
the only thing i didnt feel was the incision,everything else i FELT
they said that local anaesthetic doesnt really work once they are rooting around in arm nerves and thats why i could feel it
what was meant to be a half hour op turned into over an hour because the surgeon said he was amazed my arm wasnt totally crippled and it was the worst case of nerve compression he had ever seen,he said that the nerve was fused to the bone,and yes i felt his scalpel slicing under it to release the nerve,i am amazed that i didnt pass out with the agony of it,
strangely i didnt move,well my left side was twitching but my arm wasnt,just as well cos the slightest twitch and the surgeon could have severed the nerve or an artery
the surgeon kept asking if i was alright because i was so quiet !!
no i didnt have any drugs of any kind,i had no sedation,no gas…..nothing
what saw me through was this….
i had my eyes shut as a reflex throughout the whole thing but during a particularly nasty bit i felt someone stroking my other arm and my hair and you could have knocked me over with a feather when i saw an old ORIENTAL MALE NURSE by my side,i thought ..thats strange considering what happened in my meditation,then thought,oh just a coincedence
seriously,it was that old man that got me through the whole thing
there was much talk afterwards among the hospital staff that i was (a) mad (b) ridiculously brave
i sent my husband to look for the old man afterwards so i could thank him and he couldnt find him,maybe he had finished his shift but who knows…maybe hes my guide, i have seen the oriental man in dreams and during meditation before and he looks uncannily like the nurse in the operating room
guess what…i need the other arm done soon
will i be mad enough to be awake again ? …yes probably !!!